Yes, I want cheese with my Whine! I prefer Provolone..

I hurt. It hurts to breathe, to move. Even with pain pills I am still hurting. I whine. Maybe too much. I don't know what is considered too much but I feel like I am whining all the time. I know I have healed considerably these past two weeks. I went from literally not being able to sit down or stand back up without crying. From being afraid to sit on the "throne" for fear that I would not be able to get back up again. From having my dear husband wash my hair for me since I could not even reach up to do it myself...within a matter of a few days I forced myself to grit my teeth through the pain and be more independent. I managed to use the bathroom alone, then shower alone, then dress myself without help. Each day I find myself being more self reliant.

Now my husband is back at work and I am managing my household again. I find myself getting over-confident and very impatient with the healing process. I want so badly to just do the simple things that are still unbearable. Things like bending over to pick up toys and believe me there are a lot of toys and thigns on my floor right now! I really want to unload my dishwasher in 7 minutes like before my accident and now it takes me nearly 20 minutes.

Life has not slowed down in wait for me to mend. Everything is moving as fast paced before and I find myself struggling to keep up with it all. I also am keenly aware of the fact that my life could have been cut short. Perhaps I am overly aware of this. I find myself worrying when my head is pounding. Can someone die two weeks after a car accident? What if there is something wrong with me? Should I go back to sleep? What if I don't wake up. Deaths like Gabrielle from my church, a lady my age who went to bed and never woke up - cause of death unknown. Then Natasha Richardson who had a minor fall from a ski slope - seems perfectly fine - then dies a couple of days later? How is it that I can slam my head against a window of a car as it is rolling through a field at 45 miles per hour, and I am here to talk about it. Stories like this really make me so grateful to be here. I just wish I could get past this pain so I can actually ENJOY my life and my family again. I want so badly to run with my kids through the park and hold my baby without grimacing. I want to enjoy alone time with my husband and not wince when he goes to hug me.

I know I am whining - I warned you of this. I know it could have been worse. I have heard lots of horror stories of roll over accidents and I am so grateful for beng intact and breathing. Now if only it didn't hurt to breathe I would be able to enjoy it!

I would have been without a car payment for the first time in..well since I began driving which is too long ago! Instead I have a new car with a new payment. Luckily in this economy I got a great deal so my payment is nearly half of what I shelled out on my old car! Still, I am finding this accident is costly.

My ambulance bill came and get this - for a 20 minute ride I am getting charged $2,253.90!! Whoa. Good thing I have Health Insurance...bad thign I still have to cover 30% of this charge. I sure hope the Fire Dept doesn't send me a bill!

Now I am waiting for my ER bill. Luckily I was not admitted but I had a CT Scan and lots of pain meds. I hear that the pain meds are what gets you when the bill comes. It's hard to refuse pain meds when you are in pain! Grrrrr

Well, that is enough whining for now. I am trying to be optimistic. Trying to appreciate my new lease on life. Trying to get through each day. Gritting my teeth looks close enough to some like a smile, right?

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest *whew* I feel a little better already! :p